People would always say when our kids were little, “Enjoy this now, because it’s going to fly by!” I didn’t believe them at the time, but now as I sit here and look at my 13 and 16 year old, I think to myself, they weren’t kidding! It felt like it was only yesterday that my oldest was learning how to ride a bike and had his first T-ball game. My daughter getting her first big girl bed and playing princess with my high heels...ok great, now I’m crying! I love those memories and cherish them!
Now they are getting so big and don’t “need” me anymore which is a hard pill to swallow at times. Having teenagers definitely have its pros and cons. Not having to pay a babysitter anymore when we go out, pro! Getting phone calls when they are home alone to settle an argument over who’s turn it is to clean up the kitchen, con!
Even though they don’t “need” me anymore, they still do, but in different ways. It’s not to help them tie their shoes or wipe their nose. It’s to help them grow into well adjusted young adults, which scares me even more!
Like they say, the bigger they get, the bigger the problems. Nowadays we are knee deep in social media, girlfriends and teenager attitudes. Just because they are getting older doesn’t mean the tears stop, more by me, LOL!!
Our parenting styles have definitely changed over the years. What do my husband and I do to try to prepare our teens for being responsible young adults and keep our sanity? We have definitely made mistakes over the years, for sure and have learned from them. Here are somethings we have done and from articles and books I’ve read to help us get us through these teenage years.
Take a step back
We have never been the typical helicopter parents, however, we have been forcing ourselves as parents to take a step back and not do everything for them. Making our children accountable for their actions. Knowing that it’s ok to let them fail because that it is how they learn. They won’t be able to achieve that lesson if everything is done for them.
Teaching more responsibility
This one was a hard for me to do. Teenagers are very capable of doing things around the house, this I know, but for so long I liked things done my way and would rather just do it myself. I had to let that go real quick! Even if It meant redoing a few things after my kids have done it, like re- loading the dishwasher! Our kids are always responsible for doing their rooms, making their beds, and NO we don’t pay them for doing those jobs. My kids started packing their own lunches a few years ago and doing their own laundry. I help out every now and then, but when their hamper is full, it’s their job to clean it. I read something somewhere that said if you teen can play a video game they can run a washer and dryer, so true! Don’t get me wrong we are still working on sorting and folding. However, I do feel now they know the work that goes into it and they don’t complain as much to do it anymore...I stress as much.
Value of the $
Like I said before, we don’t or have never paid our kids for doing the basic things around the house like cleaning and maintaining their bedrooms. We have never given allowances to our kids just to give it. We rather pay them for the extras. Especially as the kids have gotten older and want things, it’s a great incentive to work to get money to save up what they want. We just recently opened a checking and savings account for our 16 year old. What a difference in doing jobs and work when you can have the pride in building up that account!
Respect
I feel that above everything else, this is the most important thing to me. The golden rule with our kids is to treat others as you would want to be treated. I know it sounds simple but so important as the teenage relationships can be complicated. Teaching our children to respect others for who they are is especially important, no matter how different they are from you. There is nothing better than other adults coming up to me to tell me how respectful my kids are. I don’t know if it anything we have done per se, but secretly hope it is!
At the end of the day there isn’t one way to parent and my husband and I hope what we are doing is raising good kids who will turn into even better adults! I am always learning and we can learn together! Have a teenager? Share with us one of your parenting gems or success stories, we’d love to hear them!
Till next time…
Sarah
- Center Director of The Learning Experience South Lyon
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