I will never forget having a conversation with a parent of a child in my classroom that had turned into a very dear friend of mine. She was expecting her second baby, a boy (first was a girl) and she ever so somberly said to me 'how will I ever love a second baby, let a lone a boy, as much as I love her?'. I gave a little laugh and said you just will! I wasn't a mom at the time, kiddos weren't even in the near future for me. I never thought any different of her and just reassured her that she would and it would be ok. Deep down, I had no clue where she was even coming from or why she would go there.
Flash forward, my first little one, a girl, is 3 and our little guy will be joining us in less then 9 short weeks. I find myself sitting in our little guys nursery and my husband walks in and inquires what I am doing. I just look at him and I utter the same exact words. 'How will we ever love Linc as much as Quinn?'. He just looked at me and said 'our hearts will get bigger and they will both have more then enough love'. I could have cried. I get it now. My little girl is my world no matter HOW INSANE she drives me with her sass. I never hesitated about adding another little into the mix until that moment, but my husband (killin' the game again this week!) just came back with the sweetest response ever.
It did get me thinking though, what will life be like with two little ones? How will I split my time amongst them? What do I want to commit to in regards to one on one time, how much is too much and how much isn't enough? Who's sports will take 'precedence' when they get older? No way we will be able to be in two places at once all the time, right?! We know two very different family friends that have three kiddos, one family has all girls and one family has all boys. For both of these families, their children are actively involved in sports (sometimes multiple) at pretty high levels. They are constantly running here and running there and they just make it work, so I have to believe we will make it work with just two. I feel like you just figure it out. Right?
As we get closer and closer I just keep thinking of ways I can help my daughter adjust to life at home with another baby. How can I help her feel special and still welcome this little guy into our world, bond with him without loosing my bond with her? I talked to my pediatrician and just asked what his take was on bringing home a second baby. He said something I found to be pretty intriguing. He explained that we should treat the new baby as part of her responsibility. He said it at first and I wasn't sure I liked it, then he continued to explain, as a family we are often responsible for the other members of our family as we continue to grow older. Example, our older siblings at some point in their childhood were responsible for us when mom or dad ran to the store, as siblings continue to get older, regardless of which sibling is older, there is often times one sibling that is kind of responsible for the others, keeping them in the loop, helping them through life, leading the way, etc. Then there is also the example of how ultimately we somehow become responsible for our own parents as they continue to grow older. Some of us become responsible for their day to day care, some for their finances, some just for helping them learn all the new things that are happening in our world (iPhone's anyone?!) and some we are responsible for celebrating their lives and organizing a celebration for their life after they have passed.
I am not sure what the right answer is to make any of us feel better, myself or my daughter about how our world is about to change. I know that we will add so much love, I know that we will have so much fun and my daughter will adore her baby brother. I know all these things, but the mama bear in me just wants to make it all ok for my daughter. I also know as adults, we tend to make these things WAAYY to complicated. In an effort to help talk myself down and just prepare myself, I thought of a few activities (of different caliber) to help maintain my relationship with my daughter, show her how strong our love for her is and that it will never change, while also teaching her the world doesn't revolve around just her and we have another little human in the mix now. But also to help me form a bond with my little guy without feeling the never ending mom guilt, to make sure he feels equally as loved and as he gets older how to have that relationship with him as an individual and as a part of the family unit.
All of my ideas came back to just simply quality time. Spending time with each of my kiddos in ways they show interest and how they want to. Anywhere from 5 minutes to a few days! Here are some of the ideas I came up with-
Play playdough
Read books
Have a date night, visit their favorite restaurant go grab ice cream, whatever it means for your kiddo. My daughter? Going to the beach and throwing rocks anytime of the year. (see, it can be simple)
Go for a walk
Do a project together (need to paint that bedroom? Let them help! who cares if its a bit extra messy, use more drop cloths)
Play one of their games
Bake together!
Anything messy
There are so many more ideas out there. How do you all spend quality time with your littles as individuals?
Until next time-
Sierra
-Center Director at The Learning Experience Gurnee
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